


I Teach in Order to Learn

by Vadianna



Series: Pasiphae-verse [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Awkwardness, Dildos, Inappropriate Use of the Force, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Slight Voyeurism, Sort Of, Xenophilia, kylo ren is dirty and smells bad, the xenophilia doesn't actually involve any aliens, xeno dildos, xeno sex ed, you just have to imagine it right along with them sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 03:41:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11797665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vadianna/pseuds/Vadianna
Summary: Kylo Ren returns from a mission and abruptly appears in General Hux's office, where Hux has to guess what he needs.  After Ren reveals the full story of the disaster, helmet off and with a drink in his hand in Hux's own rooms, Hux realizes Ren just wants company.  He tries to give it the best way he knows how.Because this is Pasiphae-verse, they also realize they needa little extrato get things going between them.Knowledge of the main story isn't necessary, there are brief notes at the beginning for relevant content.





	I Teach in Order to Learn

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read _Pasiphae,_ the relevant take-away is that Hux realizes that Kylo Ren is into xenophilia, and showed him clubs where like-minded individuals of all species hook up.
> 
> If you have read _Pasiphae_ , this is more or less the sequel I couldn't figure out how to write last fall, except this has nothing in common with the half-story I didn't finish. I'm sorry it took so long. This should be followed in the next couple weeks by another two-part Pasiphae-verse story, because I don't do things in half measures, apparently.

At the end of his office shift, Hux sighed, stretched, dimmed the lights, then stood to get his cap and greatcoat.

When he turned back around, Kylo Ren was standing in front of his desk, in full helmet and robes in the low light of the room. He had entered silently, with not even the sound of the door mechanisms giving him away. His sudden and very unexpected appearance nearly gave Hux a heart attack.

Hux managed to stifle every reaction but a slight jump, masking that by straightening the lapels of his coat and looking down.  He also gave himself a moment to control his voice. As he did so, he noticed that Ren had an over-ripe smell, like a planet's atmosphere, but also as if he had not been bathing. Hux ran his eyes quickly over his robes - dirty and tattered, though maybe not any worse than usual. The smell was new, though he didn’t often get close enough to Kylo Ren to smell him. With exceptions.

“Lord Ren. I was not expecting you. What can I do for you?” He was proud of himself for the steadiness of his voice and the normal question. If he had more presence of mind, he probably would have sounded angry or annoyed, which was certainly a justified reaction to Ren’s appearance at the end of his work day. But he didn’t sound terrified, and that was good enough.

His gaze fell on Ren’s hands, which were flexing slowly at his sides. After a moment of silence, Ren spoke.

“I just returned from my mission.”

Hux tried to parse this statement into some sort of answer to his question, but he could not, so he tried harder. “Did you want to do a debriefing? Right now?”

The one and only time Ren had approached him in person for a debriefing, it had been to threaten him into admitting that he went to Officer’s Clubs on his off time. It had, in fact, been in a situation similar to this. His pulse jumped at the thought of Ren threatening him again, as there was little Hux could do in defense of Kylo Ren.

But that wasn’t very fair. Hux hoped they were close enough now that if Ren wanted something, he would just ask. They had taken a third trip together a month before, and they both seemed to enjoy it. And in terms of Ren threatening him, there wasn’t anything else Hux had to hide from Kylo Ren. Ren knew all of Hux secrets, and kept them.

While Hux tried to determine if he would be murdered in his office, Ren stood awkwardly, silently, hands still splayed at his sides. “It took three weeks.”

Hux, again, tried to make this an answer to his question and couldn’t. He also couldn’t presently recall what Ren’s mission objective had been, but he tried.

“You were just on Lehon?” he asked, crossing his arms in front of him.

“Yes.”

At least it had been an answer to his question, though a churlish one. Hux still couldn’t remember what they had been doing there, and tried to think of a way to ask without asking, growing uneasy and a little tired of prying into Ren’s purpose.

“Did you manage to complete the mission objective?”

Ren was silent another moment, then lowered his head slightly. “Yes.”

Hux couldn’t read his posture, his face, his body language, and still couldn’t remember what he was supposed to have done. Ren wasn’t helping.

“Ren. I just worked a double-shift. You just got back from a three-week mission. We are both tired. Presumably, we both want a pleasant outcome to this conversation so we can move on and sleep. You are not doing your part to get us there.”

Ren stepped forward aggressively, but Hux didn’t back down. He stared up into the blankness of Ren’s visor as he loomed over him.

“You’re usually a lot nicer on your off shifts.”

“ _Don’t._ ”

Ren held up his gloved palms and took a step back. “No, it’s-” he dropped them, smoothed them over his thighs. When he said nothing further, Hux finally snapped.

“It’s _what_? I can’t read your mind. You need to use words to tell me what you want.”

Ren put his palm out, fingers twitching, and Hux heard something crack behind him. The already dim room got darker. One of the light fixtures. He rolled his eyes.

“Was that necessary? Do you really find me so hard to speak to? _What are you doing here, Ren_?”

“ _General_.” Even through the vocoder, he sounded aggrieved. His hands bunched at his sides once again, and he hung his head. He was visibly trying to calm himself. This time, Hux gave him time to speak, though his own patience was wearing quite thin, and if he had to do any more coaxing, he would simply walk past Ren and leave.

“Yes, General. You are a difficult man to speak to about personal matters. There is something I would ask you. Here isn’t the best place.”

Hux frowned at the mention of personal matters. He wondered what Ren had in mind. It must have to do with their mutual trips, though the next one was two months away. Was he feeling ill, and thinking of that Aqualish incident? But the last trip had been safe, Hux made doubly sure after that first accident. There couldn’t be any other personal matters he would approach Hux about. Hux cared little for personal matters, as he had few enough of his own.

“What place would you suggest?”

“I would like a drink as I tell you. As you said, I just returned from a three-week long mission, and I am tired.” He paused, inclining his head. “It can also be a debriefing, if that will make you more amenable.”

“Where do you suggest getting drinks? Surely you don’t plan on removing your helmet in public.” The thought horrified Hux. What if someone recognized him?

“Your rooms,” Ren said, as if it was the easiest and most natural thing in the world.

Hux thinned his lips and tightened his arms across his chest. He thought about Ren removing his helmet, and how he wouldn’t really be Kylo Ren after that.

“Fine,” he gritted out, perhaps more annoyed than he intended. He pushed past Ren and led the way to his quarters.

He fumed all the way there, and built himself up as he did so. It was fine, this was nothing. Still, he paused with his hand hovering over the lock. He had not had anyone in his private rooms since he earned them after his promotion to Lieutenant. No one had ever asked, either. He hated himself for pausing. He glanced over his shoulder at Ren, who stood impassively behind him.

Hadn’t he just been thinking he had no secrets from Kylo Ren? And it wasn’t as if his room was a secret. He unlocked the door and stepped through, listening to Kylo Ren’s heavy step as he followed.

Hux sighed as he glanced around his suite of rooms. He only had one stool at the bar in the kitchen, where the alcohol was. They’d have to sit together on the couch and drink at the low table. He was sure they’d both enjoy that awkward experience. He gestured to the couch, annoyed.

“Make yourself comfortable, please. You drink whiskey. I have some. Give me a moment to get it.”

When he returned to the couch with two glasses and a bottle of the cheap whiskey he kept in his room, Ren was hunched over his spread knees, shoulders up, hands clasped in front of his bowed head. He didn’t look up as Hux sat down next to him.

Hux couldn’t quite relax. Intellectually, he knew this was the same man he brought to the clubs with him. When he had stepped off the ship and into Vena Cal last month, still wearing his Kylo Ren attire, it had felt natural. That was a costume, just like what Hux wore to the club. He was just a man. Hux also knew that Ren watched his old vids, repeatedly, and did so in his rooms by himself. They shared a connection, and he knew that Ren wouldn’t hurt him.

But Ren was also one of the most frightening beings Hux had ever met. He always felt the ghost of an electric touch creeping over his skin when Ren was near, and had experienced this to great effect in a sexual context. It was Ren’s Force, and while it was pleasurable when he wanted it to be, he also knew Ren could kill with a twitch of his fingers, or break someone’s mind with a thought. He was also a giant of a man, huge and bulky and muscular, and even without his magic powers, Hux knew Kylo Ren could break him over his knee. Which was to say nothing of his lightsaber. Hux had never seen him use it in a fight, but he’d heard awestruck secondhand accounts.

All of that, wrapped in tattered robes and topped with a helmet that covered any hint of expression or vocal inflection. He could be amused, angry, or asleep, and Hux wouldn’t know, wouldn’t be able to react in time.

But then, Kylo Ren removed his helmet and became Ben Solo, who brought the glass to his lips and drained it in three swallows, Hux watching his long throat bob each time. Ben Solo looked tired and defeated. He had a red pressure mark high on his forehead from the weight of his helmet pressing into his skin. His hair was matted to his head, braided sloppily at some point and mostly escaped, and he hadn’t shaved in a long time. His eyes were haunted, rimmed red, and had a yellowish cast to them. He turned them to Hux, resting his empty glass on one knee.

“Most of the Stormtroopers were executed by the Resistance cell. The enemy somehow found our position. The Troopers were all captured or executed on the fourth day. I had been separated from them, maybe to make it easier to capture both of us. I should have known. I survived my attackers, but the Troopers and the drop ship were captured.” He looked down at the floor. “I tried to get them back. I tracked them to the hidden base, then waited and learned the routines, to try and break in without being overwhelmed. And I did.” He looked back at Hux, giving him the same sad, haunted look. “But there weren’t very many left when I got there. I extracted them.”

Hux took this in and tried to interpret it. Was it the failure that ate at him? Personal failure, or the failure to crush the Resistance? Was it the deaths?

“But you said the mission was successful.”

Ren nodded and looked away again. “I was able to signal for reinforcements on the emergency frequency, but I didn’t want the Troopers to be in the building when I did. I ordered them to destroy the facility from orbit, once I knew the position for sure. It was easier that way.”

It was the deaths, then. Interesting. Also interesting was that Kylo Ren's clearance seemed to supercede Hux's own on Kylo's missions. Hux hadn't heard of his mission running over by weeks, or of the aerial bombardment. He would have sent a search down when the legions fell out of contact, but he hadn't known anything was amiss.  That wasn't safe, and he'd have to correct it, but now was not the time.

“How many were lost?”

His hands tightened on the empty glass. “One hundred ninety-one. I was able to recover nine.”

Hux didn’t know what to say to him. A reassurance would be empty, not just because it wouldn’t be sincere, but because it wouldn’t really change anything. Ren seemed to feel responsible for their deaths, and had gone to great lengths and personal risk to recover them. It was also true that the Order couldn’t afford to lose that many Troopers right now. The other problem was that Ren didn’t often lead operations like this, and hadn’t been as familiar with what could go wrong. He had led this one because they needed him for interrogations.

“How long did you wait before you broke into the facility by yourself?”

“The whole two and a half weeks. I ordered the survivors extracted at the same time I ordered the orbital assault.”

“You… lived planetside for that time?”

Ren turned to him again, his brows drawing together. “In the jungle.”

His ragged appearance and ripe odor seemed to confirm this. He smelled powerfully of sweat, ozone, and mud. Hux almost hated having him on his couch. He would need to call a droid to clean it tomorrow. Still, he was very impressed with Ren’s self-sufficiency.

“You’ve had survivalist training?”

“You could say that.” He cocked his head, looked marginally less sad. “I thought Troopers and officers were given the same training?”

“To some degree, though it depends on your specialization, and it’s difficult to train for survival for all situations. Each planet has its own hazards for flora and fauna.”

“Mmm.” Ren turned away again. “I guess I have it easier, in that way.”

Hux presumed that he was implying something about his magic. He wanted to ask, but didn’t. In the silence, Ren turned to him again.

“Have you had the training? Could you have done it?”

Hux shook his head, deciding to give praise where it was due. “No. I haven’t had any survival training. I couldn’t have lived the way you did.”

Ren’s expression turned bitter, almost angry. “But you wouldn’t have been in that situation. You would have been alerted before you were ambushed. It wouldn’t have taken you two and a half weeks to figure out how to get into the base. That’s what you do, you figure out how to win battles.” His gloves creaked on the glass again, and Hux worried he’d shatter it. “I could have saved most of them if I had been able to focus, if I hadn’t been…”

He trailed off. Hux didn’t ask him to elaborate. He sipped at his own glass and let a taste of the whiskey burn down his throat, trying to banish the almost unbearable awkwardness of the two of them navigating their way through this conversation on Hux’s couch. Abruptly, he reached over and refilled Ren’s glass, letting Ren down it again before he gave his answer.

“I can strategize from afar. I’m good at coordinating a multi-front battle, and can react quickly to an unfavorable outcome. But I wouldn’t have been useful on your mission. Anyone else that wasn’t you would have been killed. All the Troopers would have died, and the mission would have failed.”

When Ren didn’t respond, Hux exhaled and really looked at him. He was tense, angry. He was much easier to read without his helmet on. He was human, and he was the human that Hux was on good terms with. He could tell, from watching Ren at the Club, that Ren was hard on himself. He relied heavily on his skills and his belief in the Force, and seemed anxious when out of his element. Hux presumed that this kind of failure was not something he was used to.

“Come,” he said simply, plucking the empty glass from his hand and setting his own aside. He grabbed Ren’s arm and led him away from the couch. Ren didn’t ask, or even seem curious, just defeated. Hux hated seeing him like this.

It had been hard to get him to relax at the Club. No amount of explanation seemed to get him completely comfortable with the situations, though he consented to and seemed to enjoy his part in things. Hux found that Ren, who looked like a terrified Ben Solo when Hux could see his face, relaxed more when it was just the two of them. Hux assumed that Ren had been trying to ask for that now, after coming back from a semi-failed mission feeling wretched.

Hux could have approached this unspoken request many different ways. With Kylo Ren, when they were both at work, Hux would have told him that he was invincible, and he was almost guaranteed to return from any mission with at least some survivors. Ren would always survive because he was superhuman. He had broken into a likely impenetrable jungle base by reading people’s minds so he could perform misdirections on them, or slaughter them outright with his energy sword, or short-circuit their minds… whatever it was that he did and no one else could. He wanted to tell Ren that he was a symbol, both in and outside the Order, of something that could not be killed or defeated. He wanted to ask Ren about his Knights, and how he thought villagers saw them when they were sent on assignment.

But Ren had taken off the mask, and this was just Ben Solo, who was uncomfortable and sad. This was the man Hux had taken an interest in, someone who was just like him, who was lonely for some of the same reasons. He still knew what that was like, and Hux didn’t have it in him to throw Ren’s powers back in his face when he just wanted comfort from someone who knew him. Ren hadn’t had the nerve to ask for this, even after a drink.

Hux led him to the 'fresher and stripped him out of his pungent, soiled robes. Hux tossed them into the wall cleaner, where they would be at least clean by the time they finished with whatever Ren needed, if not whole and new. As Ren stood silently, watching him with his sad brown eyes and that patchy beard all over his face, Hux removed his own uniform and hung it neatly, then pulled an unresisting Ren into the shower.

Ren stood patiently while Hux washed him, neither one saying anything. Hux lathered his hair, carefully massaging his scalp and the thickly muscled back of his neck. He scrubbed Ren head to foot, making sure to work soap into every crevice, including between his fingers and the crease of his thighs. He let Ren rinse off, then he stood in front of him and carefully shaved his face. Without his beard, he looked more like Ben Solo and less like a warrior who had survived on rough living for most of a month. Hux noticed only one fresh burn mark over his ribs, which was mostly healed. He must have taken a blaster bolt during the initial battle. Nothing in the struggle on the base, though.

Ren stayed silent, not meeting Hux’s eyes. They had done this before, in the Club, when Ren couldn’t relax. Hux had needed to shower, and at a loss, he had invited Ren in to watch. And he had. There hadn’t been anything sexual or lascivious about it. Ren seemed to relax while watching Hux with just the two of them, and Hux had enjoyed his silent company. So they had made a habit of it. When Ren needed cleaned, Hux did it for him, and Ren didn’t comment. Hux enjoyed that nothing extra was expected of the situation, and it did seem to calm Ren down, especially when Hux washed him. Oddly, he likely would have rejected Ren if he had been the one to suggest it, or if he had made any sort of sexual advance. It would have been different, and somehow not as good.

Though Hux was not opposed to shower sex. He’d had Nautolans and Quarren both in the shower. He just didn’t think he’d be much interested in human intercourse there. He’d be picturing the Nautolan instead, regardless of what Ren did.

Hux washed his own hair, then turned the sonic function on to dry them off. Ren was still silent, and had a troubled look on his face, though at least now he looked less abused, and smelled better.

After the ‘fresher powered down, they stepped out and Hux toweled both of them off, still at a loss. Uncomfortable, he tried to break the tension with a joke.

“I don’t normally end debriefings this way, Ren. Does being clean help your perspective of the situation?”

Ren did look at him, drawing his eyebrows together again in confusion. “It’s not really a matter of perspective. I need to… move beyond it. I need to think of something other than those Troopers dying, or what the last ones looked like when I rescued them. If I can do that, I can settle my mind and meditate. I can train and re-join the Knights.”

Hux frowned, seeing where this was going. “You need to think of something other than your mission, and can’t.”

Ren looked sheepish, which was at least an improvement . “Yes. Usually I need to…” he waved his hand.

“Masturbate,” Hux replied flatly into the silence. Ren’s face turned red, but he continued.

“Yes. I masturbate after missions. It helps settle my mind so I can go to sleep, and then I can meditate when I wake up. It’s a good routine. After a hard mission, or a long one…” his eyes darted to Hux’s, and then away, “I use your vids. But this mission was… worse than usual. I thought… I thought maybe if I asked you-”

“Ren-” Hux started, bristling. It felt like a betrayal of trust.

“Not-” Ren put up his hands, still naked, shoulders stooped, and Hux was fascinated by the cowed transformation of the peerless warrior. “Not like you’re thinking right now. Not like I assumed you would just have sex with me if I asked. I didn’t want that. I just thought. I could, you know, watch you.”

“Watch me _what_?” Hux spat, frustrated. “Did you think I kept partners in my quarters? If the vids work for you, use the vids!”

Ren looked upset, distraught. “No, I just thought… you know. You do something between trips. You must, right? What do you do when you don’t have a partner?”

Ren’s holoset usage record flashed into Hux’s memory, and he was amused. Ren masturbated a _lot_  more frequently than Hux. Hux debated whether to say something along those lines, but Ren frowned, looking offended. Maybe he didn’t need to. He switched tactics.

“I do, sometimes.” He clenched his jaw, not really wanting to give Ren this, but Ren was so clearly asking, and so uncomfortable about it. The mission had been bad.

“I’m not-” he tried again, and couldn’t finish. He didn’t much feel like masturbating, especially with Ren watching. But when Ren’s face fell, and he looked just like a heartbroken Ben Solo, Hux cursed both of them and conceded, looking at the wall of the ‘fresher.

“Fine. You can watch.” He threw up his hands, annoyed, and Ren immediately brightened. Hux pointed to the stool in the kitchen as they both walked into the main room. “Bring that.”

Hux went into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the large bed, then pulled himself back, resting his heels on the edge. Ren appeared with the high stool, as requested. He placed it at the foot of the bed and perched on it, looking very serious and very naked. Hux almost laughed at his solemnity, but that angry look flashed across Ren’s face again.

“How much of my mind can you read?”

Ren looked annoyed for a moment, thinning his lips. Hux grew annoyed himself when he could sense Ren’s reluctance, but had to admit that in Ren’s place, he wouldn’t have answered the question either.

Then again, he was giving Ren an awful fucking lot tonight, and it seemed like a fair trade. Ren sighed.

“Okay, it is. I can’t usually read anything from you at all. Sometimes I can feel emotion, if I try hard. With most people, I can do that easily. But you’re different, I can only read you if your reaction is strong or if-” he gestured between them. “If we’re in an intimate situation. As long as I'm not too nervous. You seem to relax more in times like this.” He looked petulant. “It’s aggrivating. I can’t tell what you’re thinking at any given time.”

“Most people can’t,” Hux reminded him, crawling across the bed and considering his endtable. He rummaged for a moment, and came up with a mostly-full bottle of lube.

“A lot of your thoughts are about me,” Ren supplied, embarrassingly. Hux stayed turned away from him, pretending to read the label on the lube. “You think about my face a lot when I take my helmet off.”

Hux rolled his eyes, deciding to feel annoyed at this. “Because I can’t see you with the kriffing helmet on, and you are infuriatingly taciturn. I had no idea what you wanted tonight until I saw how defeated you looked.”

When Hux turned back around, Ren was scowling. Hux positioned himself leaning back on a pillow, knees up, legs spread and facing Ren. Ren studied him as he did it, his face softening, growing more pensive.

“You aren’t exactly loquacious yourself. You have your own mask you never take off.”

That stung, coming from Ren. It was a criticism he often received from his coworkers, that they couldn’t tell how he was reacting. That was a defense mechanism, from when he was younger and was criticized for looking perpetually miserable. He didn’t think he concealed that much, it was just that he kept people at arm’s length professionally. He thought Ren knew him better.

Hux thought about refuting the accusation, defensively, but didn’t bother. Maybe Ren was right. He entered himself with one finger instead, watching Ren’s face.

Ren studied him rather seriously, looking like he was trying to solve some sort of puzzle. It made Hux want to laugh, but he didn’t want to upset Ren. Ren’s eyes darted and met Hux’s for a moment at the thought, then focused back where Hux was opening himself with a lube-drenched middle finger.

Hux was caught between a jump and a derisive snort when Ren put a hand out and summoned the lube to him. Ren gave him a nervous glance.

“I do this when I’m by myself. I didn’t think about it.”

Hux wanted to ask him what else he used his powers for, but didn’t want to derail the mood. Or what mood there was, with Ren studying him silently as he thrust a finger in and out. He wasn’t getting hard just then, so he used his other hand to hold his thigh back, hopefully giving Ren a better look and speeding this along. Ren was still for another moment, then slicked himself without taking his eyes off Hux. He began teasing the head of his dick between two fingers, though he wasn’t getting hard very fast.

They did that for several minutes, Hux fucking himself on a finger, massaging his rim with his thumb and eventually dipping in a second finger, though he was really too tight for that. Meanwhile, Ren carefully nursed an erection that never quite got more than halfway. Hux found this to be a little too unusual for his tastes, though he didn’t mind doing it for Ren. Maybe it was that they were in his bedroom? He wasn’t getting aroused himself, but as long as Ren could get off, it was fine.

Except Ren wasn’t, and they both sat there, staring at each other awkwardly, obviously not getting anything from the experience. When there was no further progress, Hux frowned.

“Can’t you usually finish fast?”

“Yeah, I figured that’s why you wouldn’t mind this so much.” Ren turned crimson, and Hux was endeared despite himself. “I could do it fast. But I’m having trouble tonight. It’s hard. Because I keep thinking about the mission.”

Hux couldn’t really do this right now either. It wasn’t his bedroom. He didn’t say it, but it was probably because they needed a partner. Hux couldn’t get off on Ren, his fingers giving him no pleasure. He had tried to dredge up furtive memories of his old Ben Solo fantasies, but that had been even worse, since the wank material in question was present and could read his mind. Also, most of them were escapist, so it was hard to masturbate to them when Ben Solo was sitting in front of him, half-hard, looking upset.

Hux pulled his fingers out and frowned, sitting up and crossing his legs. Ren had fucked him three times, but all three times had involved a xeno partner. So Hux thought anal sex probably wouldn’t work right now either, and might wind up being unbearably awkward.

“I don’t have partners in my quarters,” Hux repeated, narrowing his eyes, and Ren released his grip on himself, frustrated.

“I know! But, I… need this.” He looked away, and looked back. “Can we take a short trip? Since I was gone for so long? Certainly you can-”

“No,” Hux said firmly, not really wanting to go down that particular road. If he let Ren talk him into it now, he knew he wouldn’t be able to say no later. He thought of Esa, and the way she had of talking him into everything. He couldn’t tell her no. He was simply too soft on his partners. Annoyed, he realized he had that situation now, with a coworker, and he wasn’t sure how to feel about it. But getting away from work wasn’t the solution to this problem.

“Please,” Ren said, thinning his lips and looking even angrier. Hux could tell the effort of begging didn’t come easily, and he looked away as Ren continued. “I wouldn’t ask unless I needed it. I just need. I need the distraction.”

"Then go by yourself! You know where it is, you can go in without me, can't you?"

He regretted it almost as soon as he said it. When Hux looked back, Ren had that sad, defeated look in his brown eyes, and he had to look away again. Hux knew about that, too, needing the distraction, needing someone to be distracted with, and that was more unpleasant memories he didn’t want to dwell on in the presence of a mind reader.

“Okay,” Hux said, louder than he meant, so he tried again. “Okay.” He turned back to the set of drawers next to his bed. “We can’t leave. I don’t want to set that precedent. But I do have something that might help.”

He reached in and produced a large rubber dildo that he’d had to obtain with the utmost secrecy, praying he wasn’t searched when he’d first brought it to his quarters, or any of the times he’d had to bring it with him when reassigned. It was a bright yellow replica of a Baragwin organ, which meant that it was large and multi-pronged. The central structure was similar to a human penis, but larger. It was thick and long, but thinned in the middle where it bent into an “L” shape. The surface had a mostly soft texture, but was scattered with replica knots and ridges that ran along the length, made out of a more rigid material. The glans was split in two, the halves more rounded than they would be in reality. At the base were two shorter, curved protrusions the width of Hux’s thumb. He likely could have done without them - they curved into his abdomen, digging and bruising as he used it, but that was true to life. Above the larger main organ were two others close together, flat where they touched each other inside and and curved on the outside. They looked like one organ, thinner than the main, split in half. There was a soft, smooth texture on the flat inside surface, and a hard ridge running along the outside lengths. Each also had a split glans, again more rounded than the real thing.

Hux held it out to show Ren, who studied it with interest, getting up from the chair and seating himself on the edge of the bed.

“I don’t think you’ve seen a Baragwin before, right?” When Ren shook his head, his interested gaze never leaving the dildo, Hux continued. “They can be aggressive. You might want to tell them to watch their claws. They have scent glands they spray you with, in their neck and along here.” He indicated the flat, smooth portion of the upper, thinner organs. “They also have large sex organs. The split heads are prehensile on a Baragwin, but that’s hard to replicate here, and they’d also be a bit more rigid and angular. These two here-” Hux indicated the two smaller curved protrusions on either side of the main organ, “are retractable, and come out during sex, so these aren’t erect like the rest of it, they’re more like bone. They fit into two cavities that every Baragwin has. I would use my fingers on those cavities, but not here, obviously. Normally everything is erect, but these top two here are flaccid, for my purposes.” He cradled the flexible thin organs in his palm while he supported the weight of the base with his other hand. “For the sake of self-pleasure, I use these to stimulate my penis while the other part’s inside me.”

Ren ran one of his lubricated fingers along the thick, impressive length of the more rigid member. “Is it specifically for human use?”

“It’s specifically for my use. I met Vorua Iorru and enjoyed its company immensely. I thought its genitalia might work even without it present, so I had it make a cast for me, to my specifications.”

Ren looked surprised, then impressed. “Really?”

“You know I take these things seriously.”

Ren ran his palm along the flexible double-organ. “Do you have others?”

“Two others.”

“Are they cast from partners you’ve had?”

“Yes.”

Ren gave Hux a look of deep admiration. “Can you buy different types of these, if they aren’t… personalized?”

Hux’s gaze dropped down to the toy. “You can, though the market is relatively mild, and specifically for human use. Often they are advertised as being specific species, but it’s just another variation on a big human dick. I think the makers haven’t actually seen what an Ortolan looks like.” He looked back up to Ren. “Why? You aren’t going to use them, are you?”

Hux had yet to bring Ren around on the idea of anal stimulation. Ren didn’t seem to believe it would feel good, which baffled Hux. Certainly Ren had seen evidence to the contrary. Maybe Ren just needed to see more of it in person first.

Ren looked at him, annoyed, because this was a conversation they’d had several times. Hux couldn’t help himself. He was eager to show Ren that particular pleasure, and he thought it might be a great deal of fun tonight.

But of course not, because everything about this had to be a little awkward. “No. I was just curious.”

Ren’s expression cleared as he looked back down at the toy, then pinched the glans of one of the thinner organs hard between his fingers. He looked up at Hux, more eager than Hux had seen him tonight. “Can I see you use this?”

Hux laid back. “That was my intention, yes. Are you going to watch while I do it?”

Ren nodded, then summoned the lube with the Force again, handing it to Hux, obviously unaware of how strange it was. “Do you need more time to prepare yourself?”

Hux began coating the main organ with lube, considering. He should, but he liked the tight stretch of this too much, that edge of pain. He wanted it more now that he was getting used to the idea of masturbating with this in front of Ren. So he shook his head, looking at Ren as he began to perfunctorily open himself again.

“I’m not going to, but you should. It’s possible to injure yourself quite badly. I don’t need much preparation, because I’m used to things like this. The preparation itself can be quite pleasurable, too. You wouldn’t need to insert anything but fingers. I know how to reach an orgasm that way, in fact.”

“Do you,” Ren said drily, eyes on Hux’s fingers, which were up to three now, lube running between his digits and coating his hole messily.

“Not just me,” Hux continued. “I know a few others who could do it to you, too.”

“I’d rather see them do it to you.”

Hux sighed, taking a deep breath to relax himself as he removed his fingers and held up the dildo a moment, considering. It was heavy, almost too much to hold with one hand, and unwieldy, the two thinner organs bowing limply away from each other, hanging freely.

“I know.” He paused, and waited for Ren’s eyes to meet his. “I don’t normally do this, you know. In my room.”

He meant having someone in his room like this, not the act of masturbating, though that was true too. He wondered if Ren could read his mind right now, because it would save him finding the words to explain. Ren seemed to understand, his gaze softening, looking slightly frightened. That was good, because Hux didn’t want to let someone close again, either. It had nearly ruined him last time. He had come to terms with his life since, was happy with it. He’d already had the experience of a steady partner, he didn’t need another. Especially with someone who went on missions with a five percent survival rate. If it was a coworker, a coworker Hux shared everything with, he’d have nothing else to distract himself with when they were lost to him.

“Okay,” Ren said quietly, and Hux didn’t know what he was agreeing to. Still, Hux held his gaze as he let the double tip of the dildo breach him. He held the two longer, softer organs in place as he slid the larger one inside, very slowly, feeling the lube slide out and down. He watched Ren's face carefully as he did it, feeling the large organ crush up into his abdomen as he worked the middle bend inside himself.

Ren studied his face the entire time it went in, which surprised Hux. “You didn’t want to watch?”

“I don’t need to, like this.” Ren laid one of his large, calloused hands low on Hux’s stomach, just above where his erection and the ends of the two thinner, upper parts of the dildo stopped. Hux imagined he was feeling for the larger part inside him, that perhaps the angle made it possible to feel through his abdomen. He suddenly felt faint, his cock jumping. He grabbed his erection and the thinner parts of the dildo with his free hand, knuckles brushing up against Ren’s hand.

“Why don’t you need to?” Hux managed, keeping his voice steady.

“I’ll get distracted if I’m watching. I want to know what it feels like.” He brought his other hand to Hux’s temple, smearing lube there. Hux was surprised he wasn’t gripping himself, normally he was a voracious masturbator. But maybe he was still not interested if a xeno partner wasn’t involved.

“No, it’s not that I’m not interested. I’m trying to figure out why you like this so much. If I’m watching, I’ll be thinking of how good it looks. But if I’m watching you, I can-” his thumb massaged Hux’s temple. “I can feel your rim as it stretches, more and more. I can feel it compacting everything inside you. I can feel it hit…” he frowned. “Your prostate?”

Ren was rummaging around in Hux’s mind for anatomical knowledge as Hux held a huge xeno dildo inside himself with one hand, because of course he was, he was a witch. “Yes. That’s what makes this so good. I told you.”

“I have to read your mind. Your face didn’t change at all when you did that. You got a bit of color on your cheeks, here.” His thumb trailed onto the high point of his cheekbone, and Hux was sure he blushed deeper. “But you look so good doing it. So confident, just like you do when you’re giving orders. It’s incredible in this context. And you enjoy it so much. It’s overwhelming.”

This was really uncalled for, and Hux was starting to get uncomfortable.

“Sorry,” Ren apologized, looking chastened, taking his hand away.

Hux closed his eyes, not liking that he couldn’t hide his thoughts. “No, it’s fine.” He opened his eyes. “You know I don’t…” and he couldn’t finish the sentence, because he didn’t have the words. That this was more than sex, and Hux didn’t want that, wouldn’t let himself think it, not even in the privacy of his mind. But he desperately wanted Ren to feel comfortable with sex, a part of Hux still striving to show Ren just how good this could be.

“It’s fine,” he repeated, and he took his hand away from the base of the dildo. “Why don’t you try it? Do you want to try and get me to come with it?”

Ren’s face brightened, and he leaned in closer, still with his palm low on Hux’s stomach, his lubed hand gripping the thick base of the dildo. “Okay,” he agreed quietly. Hux tightened his grip on the softer replica organs, positioning them on either side of his own growing erection, using his other hand to find the lube and slick himself there.

Ren moved the dildo around, twisting it inside him from side to side. That would not have occurred to Hux, since it was not how the Baragwin moved. There was an edge of pain because of the size, but it was quite pleasurable too, and Hux was now sure that Ren was trying to feel it from the outside, through the wall of Hux’s abdomen, which was incredibly arousing. But soon Ren began moving it in and out, which he wasn’t as good at. He wasn’t good at it while fucking Hux either, his pace too fast and too rough, but Hux was patient, and he knew Ren would learn soon. With something this big and awkwardly-shaped though, Ren’s enthusiasm was painful. Hux didn’t protest, but he did squirm and try to reposition himself, subtly trying to control Ren’s speed with his own slick grip on the softer, thinner parts. His own erection had wilted, though he tried to hide it from Ren.

When he couldn’t suppress a wince, Ren paused with the dildo mostly pulled out, one hand still on Hux’s abdomen. He had that tense, slightly scared look on his face that he got during sex that meant he was out of his element and nervous. Hux tried to think of a way that Ren could climax without making it sound like he didn’t want Ren to do this anymore. He decided to be honest, since Ren was probably reading his thoughts anyway.

“I’ve never had anyone else do this to me before, so I’m not sure how to make it good for both of us. We can learn together.”

Ren looked slightly reassured, but when he still didn’t move, Hux decided to try something else.

“Why don’t you lean your weight against my chest? Baragwin are large. I usually sit in their laps as I do this, but I’ve never had one on top of me before. I like that.”

Ren moved up eagerly, lying against Hux’s chest with a considerable amount of his weight. Hux slid the pillows out from behind his back to lay more horizontally on the bed. He maneuvered one under his hips to elevate them slightly, hopefully making the angle less awkward for Ren.

Ren wasn’t laying quite all the way on top of him, just diagonally across his chest, which still gave him access to Hux’s ass. His free arm was bent underneath him, supporting himself rather than crushing Hux completely. This position was good, though it brought Ren’s head just below Hux’s, so Hux got a face-full of his damp hair.

“Like that, yes. Continue.”

Ren did, more slowly this time, and carefully. Hux could feel the more solid ridges and knots drag pleasantly along his rim as Ren worked it in and out. It was better, and Hux liked it even more when Ren shifted the angle, moving more of himself on top of Hux so that his erection was pinned to Hux’s leg and their stomachs were pressed closer together. That got Hux thinking again about whether Ren would be able to feel the dildo if he pressed it all the way in. The thought was incredible, exquisite, and it made him clench up around the large organ. It wasn’t often that Hux discovered something completely new and novel that gave him pleasure, but when he did, he savored the experience.

Ren’s weight on him was perfect, crushing down and making him short of breath. Sweat began to slick their chests where their skin touched, and they began sliding against one another. Ren was manipulating the toy more surely now. Hux had an erection again, and began jerking it slowly, wrapping the softer upper organs of the toy around it and letting them slide against him. Ren hadn’t quite managed to get the dildo all the way in again, but he would, and Hux thought that the only thing missing was a big clawed hand on his throat, pinching, making it harder for him to breathe and think as his vision went black around the edges.

Unexpectedly, it was there, and he could feel the pressure against the pulse point on either side of his neck. Ren hadn’t moved though, he still had one hand on the dildo and the other holding himself up. Suddenly, Hux remembered that Ren could read his mind, and also possessed other powers, which he’d once used to choke Hux almost to death. A peal of terror surged through him, and a small sound escaped his throat.

Ren jumped back as if burned, hands going up, face red. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you. I-” He looked away, flustered, and was backing off the mattress. “I should have known I’d already screwed that up. It’s fine. You. Probably don’t want me anymore. I’ll leave.”

“Ren.” Hux said firmly, sitting up, feeling the dildo squeeze out of his ass with the motion. He closed his eyes briefly, trying to gather his thoughts. He didn’t want Ren to run off in the middle of sex. He would never come back. He also didn’t like the idea of giving an authoritative order to a coworker while naked, lube leaking out his ass, a massive xeno dildo in his lap, but he hated Ren leaving more.

“Come back. It’s fine. I was surprised. I was… thinking about it, wasn’t I? You were just trying to do something I liked. You could tell I was enjoying it, couldn’t you?”

Ren met his eyes, still terrified, but nodded slowly.

“Then come back here. Don’t stop.” Hux paused, trying to think of a way for Ren to use his magic in bed. He wanted to ask Ren what he could do, but that seemed… wrong, somehow, like a question Ren probably got asked all the time, and would probably hate. It made a spectacle out of him. He’d never had a partner that could do this before though, and he was at a loss for how to handle it.

“Tell me what you’re going to do before you do it. I can’t read your mind. Tell me what you’re trying, and tell me what you want. Then I’ll be prepared.”

Ren seemed to consider this, and Hux watched the terror leave his eyes. He grabbed Ren’s shoulder and pulled him back on top of him, grabbing Ren’s hand to guide it back to the dildo, laying on the bed between his legs.

He was more properly on top of Hux this time, bracing himself slightly with his knees. Hux spread his own and squeezed Ren’s thighs, pulling Ren’s weight more fully onto his chest. He bent one knee to position his leg up and away, giving Ren the access he needed to his ass. Their faces were closer this time.

“Talk to me. That will make this easier.”

“Okay,” Ren agreed nervously. He shifted, and continued speaking softly, face next to Hux’s.

“You’re never afraid during sex, no matter what’s happening.”

“You shouldn’t be afraid during sex, that’s not the point.” He was offended, but considered Ren’s words again. “I’ve got a lot of experience. All the partners you’ve seen me with are beings I’m familiar with, so I know what to expect.” Hux paused, and couldn’t help himself, since he hated that Ren had seen him scared. “Also, you’re the only person who’s ever actually tried to kill me. I can’t be blamed for my reaction.”

Hux knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as it left his mouth, but Ren only exhaled. “Really? I’m the only one?” Rather than sounding hurt or frightened, he seemed proud of this, which somehow bothered Hux more. It got worse when Ren felt the need to continue. “You’ve only had your life threatened the one time? You really are an armchair commander.”

Hux tried to roll away from him, the response too disconcertingly like their working relationship. “You can leave now, if you feel the need to insult me. Jerk off to the memory, for all I care.”

“I won’t leave now.” Ren laughed and pulled Hux closer. Hux was surprised by Ren’s ease, which did more to ameliorate the insult than anything else would have. “I’ll be good. And I’ll do what you said. You wanted me to say what I want to do to you? You said you liked to feel my weight on your chest.” Ren let his weight rest on Hux’s chest fully, moving the arm he had been supporting himself with up alongside Hux’s head. “So I’m going to do that.”

His face was above Hux’s now, and Hux was watching him. Ren looked more confident now, and Hux wondered if he had something in mind.

“I do. Close your eyes.” When Hux did, he felt Ren’s hand in his hair, and Hux moved his own free hand on Ren’s back, holding him down. He could feel Ren pressing lightly against the dildo, not quite breaching him with it, not having the right angle. With his other hand, Hux maneuvered Ren’s erection into a grip with his own, letting the soft upper portion of the dildo trail between his fingers. He pushed his hips up to meet Ren’s, which were held slightly above him. With his hips canted, Ren had the access he needed to Hux’s hole, and the dildo was once again at the right angle for entry.

“I’m going to hold your eyes closed. It will feel like something’s pressing down on your eyes.” And at once, the sensation was there, not painful, but a tangible pressure. Hux squirmed, realizing the possibilities.

“I think we’ll both like this,” Ren assured him as he pushed the dildo slowly into Hux. “Do you remember when I saw you with the Quohog last time we were at the Club? I liked that. Did you like it too?”

Hux was focusing on the dildo, marveling at how well Ren was doing, going slowly, letting the ridges drag in and out of Hux, moving it gently it when he got up to the bend in the middle. But at Ren’s words, he remembered the Quohog, which had done something to his feet that he had liked. As he was mostly thinking about the dildo inside him, he slowly registered a sensation against his feet. It almost wasn’t there, but the feeling increased, and he straightened his legs, trying to place it.

He moaned, lost, when he realized what it was - it felt exactly like the palms of that Quohog, holding his feet and sucking and blowing against them with the organs in its damp, webbed hands. It was incredible, especially after Ren managed to get the dildo seated all the way inside him, lowering himself slightly to press their stomachs together again. When he tried to open his eyes in shock, he couldn’t, and a pang of arousal went all the way from the tip of his throbbing dick to the stimulated soles of his feet.

“Fuck you, fuck you, I can’t believe-”

“Ssh,” Ren whispered in his ear, and Hux realized with a pang of anger that Ren had taken control. “Don’t be mad,” Ren tried. “I told you we would both like it. You sat on the Quahog’s chest too, right? What did that feel like?”

Hux thought of the Quahog, which cradled his feet in its hands as Hux sat on its chest. It had a chest full of finger-like protrusions that were slippery under his thighs and stung his skin where they touched him. As he relived the memory, he felt the sensation now, the finger-like protrusions, the faint itchiness and irritation, the creeping sensation of some sort of toxin spreading under his skin and up his thighs.

“Ren.” It was simple, and not at all. He shifted his hips up, instinctively trying to get away from the stinging sensation along his skin, but he also wanted to be held down. Ren obliged, punctuating the shift of his weight with a sharp twist of the dildo that had Hux making another involuntary noise.

“These,” Ren said, twisting the dildo again. “The Baragwin. You said they have a smell. What is that like?”

Hux imagined it, sour and musky. They liked to mark their partners, and they tended to drench Hux in their scent, which took a very special chemical bath to remove from his skin. They marked him with a light spray from the glands at their neck, and again as the scent fluid seeped from their genitals. Hux felt it now, the slight sensation of the uncannily cool fluid hitting his skin, the trickle as it ran down his neck, and the overpowering smell that came with it enveloping them. He began breathing harder, in tandem with his arousal, but also because Ren was on his chest, holding it immobile, making it hard for him to breathe. He twisted his wrist, feeling their erections sliding beneath his fingers, the soft upper portion of the dildo slipping alongside them.

Ren seemed to master the dildo, twisting it just as Hux wanted it, pressing himself into Hux’s hand and against his chest and stomach as he did it, then pulling out just to the bend and pushing it in again, exactly as a Baragwin would do. Somewhere in the increasingly overwhelming mental mess of his arousal, Hux wondered if Ren had gotten better because he was looking into Hux’s mind to see how to do it.

“I am,” Ren confirmed, without being asked.

“Ren, this is. This is almost too much.” He squeezed their erections together again, feeling Ren’s pulse in his fingers, and another thought occurred to him. “How have you not come yet?” Hux was having a harder time getting breath, and struggled to get the question out. “You normally do it twice while this happens.”

“I’m trying not to,” Ren answered thinly, with obvious effort. “And it’s a little hard to make all this happen at once.” He punctuated the statement with another pull at the soles of Hux’s feet, and Hux writhed up and away, sliding partially out from under Ren, only to be chased with the dildo as it pushed hard inside him. He squeezed their erections again, getting a firmer grip on the soft thin portion of the dildo, and began jerking more earnestly, using Ren’s motion with the dildo to aid as the thin pieces slid against them with the motion of the toy.

“More, just a bit more, like the Baragwin,” Hux asks, nearly begging, partially because he could feel it wasn't quite enough, and partially because he didn’t like the thought of Ren, an amateur, controlling the encounter as much as he was.

As if to spite him, he began to feel the sensation of the Baragwin’s hot, sour breath against his face, gusting unpleasantly, smelling of rotten meat and spattering him with saliva as more of the scent poured onto his neck and the smell filled the room. Hux couldn’t open his eyes, but it was so real. The images were tangled in his mind - Ren, Ben Solo, a Quohog, a Baragwin. It was impossible for them all to be present, all at once, overlapping. He felt the Baragwin’s thick tongue against his face, then his neck, licking up its own scent secretion. But then it was Ren’s mouth against his neck, against his jaw, licking, moving down to the join of his shoulder and biting down hard. Hux twisted his fingers into Ren’s back, digging his nails into the meat of his shoulder in retaliation as he arched up into the sensation on his dick, his hand stilling when the dildo did most of the work as Ren thrust it in and out shallowly.

Ren came with a whimper that seemed to cause almost all the sensations to disappear, and Hux's eyes flew open, mourning their absence. But the absence was followed by a powerful surge of arousal hitting him like a speeder, the familiar feeling of Ren’s orgasm washing through him with the Force. Hux came then, the overpowering presence of Ren’s arousal when they were touching still a new and very novel sensation. He hadn’t yet let Ren fuck him more than once a trip, because he knew this sensation could be addicting, overwhelming as it was. It already tired Hux out and spoiled him somewhat for his other partners on the same night.

Hux laid there, trying to gather his breath and thoughts, losing track of time in the nearly dark room. He marveled at the fact that there was no smell from the Baragwin, his skin wasn’t irritated from the Quohog, he wasn’t covered in fluids and rashes, just a bit of lube and sweat. All the rest had vanished, along with most of the mess. Ren had slid off him at some point during the orgasm, and was leaning heavily against Hux’s side. Hux willed his thoughts still, rubbing the soles of his feet against the rumpled sheets as he did so. As Ren reached orgasm and the sensations disappeared, the one against his feet had done so with a rough, tearing feeling. He didn’t think he’d actually been injured, but the nerves tingled painfully, and he rubbed them against the sheets, seeking sensation, intrigued by the possibility he’d be able to feel that in his boots during his next shift. Which was starting at some point soon, presumably.

When he tried to shift Ren off him, he found he was dead weight, sound asleep. Hux squirmed and sat up, pulling the dildo from himself and setting it carefully on the stand. It was a bit of a mess, drenched in lube and semen.

He looked at Ren’s face, which was finally at peace. He should get up and clean what little mess there was off himself, should wake Ren and either clean him up again or force him to leave. He needed to check his schedule and get some real sleep, so he could work with a clear head when his shift started.

Instead he looked at Ren, and saw Ben Solo in his bed, relaxed and comfortable. He had been troubled, and Hux had helped him, giving pleasure as freely as he always did. Hux leaned down and brushed his hair aside, giving him a light kiss on the forehead. He felt something coil tightly in his stomach as he sat back up, trying to will himself to get clean, to wake Ren up and get him out of his bedroom. He couldn’t.

He laid back down next to Ren, covering his own face with his hands. It was happening again, and there was nothing he could do about it, it seemed.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still on Tumblr - [@vadianna](http://vadianna.tumblr.com).


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